Josie Shue shares her herpes story:

I was a sophomore in college. I was doing really well in school and a star on my division I athletic team. I had a long-term boyfriend who I loved and respected. In September of 2007, I had a physical with my doctor. She asked if I wanted and STD test and I said yes. I figured I would do it just to know I had a clean bill of health. Then I got a call a few days later to come back into the doctor’s office immediately.

My test had come back positive for herpes.

The doctor prescribed me an antiviral medication and sent me on my way. No comforting, no advice, no friendly smile signaling to me that I would be ok…I was alone.

My relationship with my boyfriend at the time ended because of infidelity on his part (which is what led to the herpes transmission). This trial began a new path of learning and strength in my life from which I would blossom into the person I am today, which I would like to think, is a mature, understanding, lovable woman.

Eight years later, here I was in my most recent relationship. He was a handsome, smart man I met through friends. The relationship began with much promise as he showed maturity and caring in the first few weeks. When I calmly told him about the herpes, he was straight faced yet strong. I told him to ask me anything and that I would do everything in my power to help him understand how minor this was and to make him comfortable.

He seemed to be OK and understanding.

In the next few months there were many moments, which started wonderfully loving and intimate and ended with invasive questions about herpes and statements about how he thought herpes ruined my life and would one day ruin his. I would explain to him that this is not the case and that he was safe.

This was a reoccurring theme that would pop up many a late night. After many late and tearful nights, I came to a breaking point. We had been together 6 months and I had done all the reassuring and explaining I could. The conversations would start with the herpes and then continue on to other things about me that he didn’t like.

The relationship ended with me wondering what I could have done differently.

After days of analyzing where I went wrong a thought hit me, which will stay with me for the rest of my life. He made me feel “imperfect.”

The thing is that everyone has imperfections.

There is no one person on this earth that doesn’t have something less than ideal about them. Just because I have herpes there is no less of reason to love me. Judgment is not apart of a healthy relationship nor will I accept it in the future. Herpes has taught me many valuable lessons that without it I would not have learned such as how to be understanding and nonjudgmental, how to see a person for the many wonderful qualities they have and not what illnesses they possess, and how the more you love yourself the more another person can love and understand you.

My words of wisdom are to love yourself, be yourself, and stay positive and someone wonderful is going to accept you for everything you have to offer.

***

For more herpes support, you can read my personal experience here:  My Herpes Story

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If you find yourself with an active herpes outbreak, there is no time like the present to start early healing treatment.

The absolute best advice I can give you is to apply Vitamin E oil (if you only have access to the capsules, just break them open – with scissors – and apply the oil) directly on the sore or blister.

There are different stages of herpes and before the outbreak breaks open it is best to keep the area clean and dry.  As soon as the sore or blister becomes exposed you can apply the Vitamin E oil.  There is no magic moment here – just use your best judgment.  I have found that by applying the Vitamin E oil directly on the outbreak – 2 or 3 times per day – I can speed up herpes healing by up to a week.

If the outbreak is deeper in your vaginal area – you can think about calendula ovules.  You should be able to purchase these at any quality health food store.  You simply insert them before bed and the exterior melts away, bathing the outbreak in calendula oil.

Great for healing; great for herpes relief.

There really isn’t anything more I can add.  Tea tree oil is very good for numbing any pain you might have during active herpes outbreaks, but I have not had as much success with tea tree oil and rapid healing as I have with Vitamin E Oil.

Should you be so inclined you can consider visualization to speed up herpes healing.

Sit quietly and imagine the herpes sores or blisters getting smaller and smaller until they disappear.  You can also imagine bathing your genital area in alternating colors of blue and green (good healing colors!).

This last technique isn’t for everyone but it’s free and I’ve had some success with it.

Be well!

Related posts:

1. Understanding The Early Stages Of Herpes
2. Signs Of Genital Herpes Outbreaks
3. Genital Herpes Treatment

There are several different kinds of herpes (including shingles and chicken pox) but this blog is primarily concerned with HSV1 and HSV2.  HSV1 typically appears on or around the mouth, while HSV2 commonly occurs in the genital area.  It is however, possible to spread either strain of the virus to the mouth or genital area.

How Do You Get Herpes?

Herpes spreads through skin to skin contact.  This can include kissing, oral sex, regular sex (whatever your definition of that is!) – anything that involves the virus being able to come in contact from one person to another.

If you have had sexual activity in the past 7 – 14 days and find yourself with blisters or sores on your genitalia or cold sores on your mouth (yes, all cold sores are HSV – don’t listen to people that say, “It’s just a cold sore, not herpes”), it is possible that you have contracted herpes.

That being said, it is possible to have contract HSV and remain symptom free for months or years.  It is also possible that any rash or sore can be any number of other skin conditions: yeast infection, impetigo, bacterial infection, canker sore; so it is important to get to a medical clinic and get tested.

If you do find yourself with an HSV infection, please don’t feel like it is the end of the world.  It is not. Myself (and thousands of others) have lived successfully with this virus for decades.   There is too much shame and misinformation about HSV, and it is important to get all the facts before becoming overly emotional about your diagnosis.

Please take some time to poke around and explore this blog for much more information about how to manage your symptoms, several ideas on herpes treatment, and of course, dating with herpes.

While there are pharmaceutical viral suppressants, and it can be OK to take these for 6 – 18 months (while you deal with any emotional issues), I would highly suggest you seek out natural remedies that will help control your outbreaks as well as boost your immune system and general health.

If you are struggling, don’t hesitate to send me an e-mail!

It’s all going to be OK!

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I received the following comments from a visitor to The Herpes Blog a few days ago and I wanted to respond in a blog post because my answers address a couple of issues related to everyone that reads this website.

This blog started over two years ago when I personally had a herpes outbreak and started looking on the Internet for new information.  I was so disheartened with the lack of quality information and reassurance, that I decided to start my own website.

The response has been tremendous.

This website now receives over 200 visits per day (see? you are not alone!) and I continue to receive daily e-mails.

Thank you to everyone that shares their stories and their questions with me.

OK, back to the post…

The comments:

Nanci, I’m afraid that just because you are “not a big fan of the viral shedding camp” does not mean that this is not a significant method of transmission. In fact, the *majority* of cases of transmission do in fact occur when the person who is infected is between outbreaks – via viral shedding.

Depending upon the frequency of outbreaks, the risk of “asymptomatic” transmission ranges as high as 35%. Valtrex can reduce this to as low as 2-3%.

I agree that the best way to prevent transmission is the way you recommend – namely to just keep your clothes on when the first hints of an outbreak make themselves known – but just because you have fortunately been lucky to not have ever transmitted herpes this way does not mean the risk is low.

I know.

Even on prophylactic Valtrex to prevent it, and the most scrupulous care to avoid contact when there was any hint of a possible outbreak, my last partner got it from me when we quit using condoms.

It sucked big time.

 

I agree with Ginny that it is most unfortunate that you have chosen to use a completely inaccurate term to describe HSV-2, which is otherwise *correctly* known as “genital herpes”. It affects all genders, not just women.

And yes, I mean “all” genders. Gender is not a binary concept as most people think. There are millions of people out there who are neither clearly male nor female anatomically, or their genitalia do not match the gender they identify as.

But I digress.

Google search terms that people employ do not define diseases. If you are going to write a blog about one, it would greatly increase your credibility to use the proper medical terms. I was going to link to you, but now that I see these posts (including the ones recommending that people not use condoms), I have changed my mind. And I’m not going to read much more.

If you want to increase your Google hits, I would suggest that you use the proper terminology and then reference the “vaginal” term as one that some people use (and then mention that it is inaccurate), or just use it as a tag. Tags are great for snagging Google searches when you want hits from alternative terminology.

klg (former paramedic, drug rep, and premed)

My Response(s):

I absolutely agree that viral shedding is real.  Perhaps it was flippant of me to say that I am not a big fan of the viral shedding camp. While I agree that this risk of herpes transmission through viral shedding is a risk, I do have concerns that the drug companies over focus on the risk which creates enough fear for some to remain on suppression therapy for years.

There are many reports of kidney and liver issues (w/long term usage) as well as increased depression.  I believe there is a place for Valtrex (and other viral suppressants), but I don’t support long term suppressive therapy.

This is my personal opinion and choice.

I have always advocated condoms and safe sex on this website.  If I had practiced safe sex when I was 17, I would not have genital herpes today.

That being said, this blog is to help people who live in the real world and not in a medical bubble.

It is fine to write and read about all the statistics regarding herpes transmission but at the end of the day, when you meet someone that you have decided to make a long term commitment to, is it realistic to assume that you will never have unprotected sex and/or that the partner with HSV will remain on suppressive therapy for 20+ years?

My answer is no.

This blog is about calculated risks.  I fully support protecting your uninfected partners with safe sex and or Valtrex.  But at a certain point the benefit (and fun!) of unprotected sex, conceiving children, and adverse health affects of suppressive therapy warrant having the discussion about long term unprotected sex.

This is the reality of couples with only one infected partner.   At least this is my reality.

..and it’s my blog.

I do not write this blog to gain credibility with the medical community.  I believe my information is accurate and factual and that is enough for the medical community.   I optimize this blog with terms such as vaginal herpes not because I think women are responsible for spreading herpes (please!), but because that is what scared young woman are searching for in Google in the middle of the night.

I write this blog for them.

To give them hope and to know that they have nothing to be ashamed of and that you can live successfully with herpes.   And from the countless e-mails I receive every week, and the over 5,000 visitors a month to my blog, I know I am succeeding.

There are plenty of medical blogs (and some pretending to be medical blogs – only to sell “cures” for $89.99) with scary statistics and pictures.  If I don’t optimize for Google search terms, my readers will end up on (in my opinion) these sub-standard websites.  The majority of my readers do not care about statistics, they care that they have herpes.  Now.  And they want answers and support.

I don’t believe that I am the only decent website writing about genital herpes.

Tons of great information at:  http://yoshitome.com and http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_overview.cfm

I do appreciate the comments.

As long as we are talking about herpes we are bringing light where there is darkness.

Related posts:

1. Herpes Blog – I’m back!

Other than keeping your immune system strong and the virus dormant through effective treatment of HSV2, it is the early stages of herpes that give you the best chance of aborting an outbreak.  The first stages of herpes can appear 24 – 48 hours before an outbreak is expected.

Symptoms can include soreness or a bruised feeling in and around the hip and abdominal area, often moving down one or both legs.   It is also quite common to experience flu like symptoms which can include an all-over-body ache, fatigue and muscle pain. During this first stage of the virus, as a natural treatment you can start to take high doses of Vitamin C (3000 mg) and (very important!) 30mg – 60mg of Zinc.

I always suggest that each and every day you take a immune tonic which can increase your immune function and keep any herpes outbreak dormant.

Excellent daily immune tonics to consider would be:

• Oil Of Oregano
• Beta Glucan (from yeast!)
• Vitamin D

If you are taking a daily supplement of any of the above (and just try one for a few months and see how it works for you.  Please don’t go out and buy all of them and take them all together!), and you begin to feel an oncoming outbreak,  you can increase the dosage in the 24-48 hour window along with any increase or addition of Vitamin C and Zinc.

Also, always good to consider lysine for herpes.

Should you have opted to treat your herpes outbreak with a pharmaceutical anti-viral (Acyclovir or Valtrex) it is in this 24 – 48 period that you would want to commence the recommended dosage and/or increase the dosage that you are taking for suppression.

Regardless of whether you are opting for medical or natural treatment of your herpes symptoms, it is crucial that you take care of yourself and get as much sleep and rest as you can. Following the above recommendations can greatly increase your chances of completely stopping an outbreak or decreasing the duration and severity of the attack.

Good luck and take care.

Related posts:

1. Healing Genital Herpes: Start Early!
2. Stages of Herpes: Just plain bad (wrong) information

I apologize for the humor but writing about a herpes diet makes it sound like we have to wake up every morning and figure out what to put in a lunch box to feed our herpes virus!

I know that many of you struggling with getting your herpes outbreaks under control are looking for a quick fix; maybe a vitamin, a cream, a medication – anything to make the outbreaks stop now and forever.  Unfortunately, after 20 years, I can tell you that I have still not found any magic miracle.

But all is not lost!

You have read on this blog that somewhere deep down I believe that herpes is a gift to our bodies, a teacher to make us healthier, build our self esteem (nothing says, “strong woman”, than a chick who has learned to accept and live with vaginal herpes!), and generally educate ourselves about our bodies.

More for weight loss and help with anxiety, I have been doing a lot of research on diet and how food affects every aspect of our health.

Diet For Herpes

My somewhat exhaustive research has lead me to believe that an alkaline diet is by far the very best gift you can give yourself.  I won’t get into the massive amounts of science here in this post, but suffice to say that switching to an alkaline diet (fresh vegetables, beans, legumes, nuts and seeds) over a highly acidic diet (meat, dairy, bread, white pasta), can lead to huge health benefits within just a few weeks.

And no, I am not saying you have to become a rabbit and subsist on carrots and lettuce.  The general thought (supported by countless health experts), is to have a majority of alkaline based foods.  In a perfect world, the ratio would be 80/20, but since we all know this world ain’t perfect, how about shooting for 60/40?

There are a couple of great resources to follow up with and get more guidance.

I really appreciated:  Crazy Sexy Diet (Kris Carr), who manages an extreme form of cancer with an alkaline based diet (notice I didn’t say cured…), and there was recently a phenomenal article in Men’s Journal about ANDI scores (a very similar concept to alkaline based diets).  So there you go, one for us girls and one for the guys.  Don’t be shy though – all the information is relevant to both sexes.

Can you kick your constant herpes outbreaks to the curb with bok choy and tomatoes?  I’m not sure but I am definitely going to give it a shot.

And the bonus?

Weight loss and increased sex drive!  Awesome.

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During my six month absence, I received several e-mails asking about the safety of oral sex when one partner has genital herpes.  This is such a difficult subject because there are risks involved and it really is a personal decision.   All I can do here is offer you a few herpes facts and my own experience with herpes and oral sex.

The bottom line is that YES, HSV2 (and HSV1!) can be spread though skin to skin contact so this is always a risk to any part of the body when sexual activity occurs.  While I have personally had a few outbreaks in odd places (the back of my knee), by far the most common sites for herpes outbreaks, are the mouth and the genitals.  These are softer mucous membrane parts of the body where it is easier for the virus to penetrate.

I will say that the outbreak I had behind my knee came well over a year after I was infected.  There was no weird sexual position that caused me to be infected here!

I have said repeatedly throughout this blog that the person who carries the virus is most often able to feel within at least 24 hours that a possible outbreak is coming.  This is the time to abstain from any and all sexual activity that would involve the area where the tingling and itching are happening.

Now, the constant threat of viral shedding.  Ugh.  If you believe everything you read, viral shedding is an evil nightmare that can cause you to contact herpes from your partner 24/7, 365 days a year.  Proponents of viral shedding would have you wear condoms night and day, opt for a C-Section birth, and practically live in a sterile bubble. It is safe to say that based on my own experiences, I am not a big fan of the viral shedding camp.

My Own Experience:

Those of you that have read much of this blog will know that I have had vaginal herpes for over 20 years.  I have had upwards of 5 sexual partners since being diagnosed, and have been happily married for 10 years now.  I have had two children, both delivered through natural child birth.

I have never passed the virus to any of my partners or my children.

…and yes, if you do the math, that means that my husband of 10 years (and no, we do not use condoms) lives herpes free to this day.

Are we just lucky?  Maybe.

But I practice what I preach.  I do suffer from the occasional herpes outbreak, I do not take suppressive therapy, and I do not use condoms.

What I do practice is safe sex by listening to my body.  If I feel an outbreak coming on, I do not take off my clothes.  This is what safe sex means to me now!

Without the whole too much information issue, yes, my husband and I both practice oral sex and while he was obviously a bit nervous that first year, it was a risk he was willing to take and after several months (years?  You would have to ask him!), I don’t think he even thinks about it anymore.

My best advice?

If you are newly diagnosed, or in a new relationship, I would highly recommend Valtrex for the partner infected with the virus.  It does work for most people and will dramatically reduce the possibility of viral or asymptomatic shedding.  This will give you six months to a year of getting to know each other, having lots of sex, and starting to feel comfortable without the fear of constant herpes outbreaks.  If the partner carrying the virus suffers from several outbreaks a year, it will also give them a nice vacation from that trouble.

You can always use condoms or dental dams for oral sex, but really, what fun is that?!

At the end of the day, if you are going to commit to someone in marriage or in faith that carries HSV, you are going to be exposed to herpes.  You might as well enjoy yourself (safely!) and enjoy the process.

Be Well.

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Hey everyone!  Well, I have some apologizing to do because I have not updated my posts since June 2010!  I honestly felt that I had said everything I had to say about living with herpes, and when you actual have vaginal herpes and you write about it several times a week, you start to wonder if there is anything else going on in your life!

So I took a break, started and finished some other projects and just checked my e-mail this week to find that I had over 100 e-mails.

I would very much like to apologize to those that e-mailed me scared and in crisis; it was wrong of me to invite you to contact me and then not respond.  I will work to answer each of you personally in the next 10 days.

Also I would like to thank everyone that e-mailed me to say that my herpes blog made a difference in their lives and helped them through the trauma of being diagnosed with genital herpes.  I had put a tremendous amount of time and energy into this blog in early 2010 and I am so grateful that my words were able to help quite a few people.  Thank you for letting me know and sharing your herpes stories with me.

The lesson to me is that not enough has been said about HSV2 on this website yet.  Many of the questions I received were in regards to treatment for H, herpes and oral sex, and feelings of shame around being diagnosed.   Many, many questions asked about how to tell someone you have herpes.   I have written about this before but as it is such a difficult issue, I will take the time to write about it more often.

So.  Let’s keep talking shall we?

Thanks, you.

Image Credit: Ahmed Meta-Man

Related posts:

1. Mild Genital Herpes Symptoms: I’m back!
2. The Herpes Blog Responds…

Cure For Herpes

Guys!  Team!  You know there is no cure for herpes.  I cannot stress this enough.  If and when there is a cure for genital herpes, you will read about it on the front page of the New York Times.

It will be all over the evening news.

That being said, everything I have tried to communicate on this blog is that HSV does not have to define you or have that big of an impact on your life.   There are many great herpes treatments available that can lessen your herpes outbreaks and keep your sexuality alive and well.

If you are on the internet searching Google for cure for herpes, I can only guess that you are scared and worried about your HSV2 infection, for yourself or for someone that you are in a relationship with.

You do not have to be afraid.

The statistics for genital herpes are horrendous.  Current reports state that one in four Americans carry the virus – that is 25% of the population!

What this means is that you are not alone.  First, I am with you.  I have carried this virus for over 20 years and other than being a minor annoyance, it has not affected my quality of life.   The opposite can be said in that genital herpes has forced me to take better care of myself, listen to my body and practice self acceptance.   Do I wish I had learned this things without contracting herpes?  Of course, but as they say:  No point in crying over spilled milk.

My best advice to you is to stop seeking a cure and focus on controlling your outbreaks so that you can relax without being terrified of constant herpes outbreaks.

Take some time to poke around on this blog and you will find a ton of information on symptoms, the stages of herpes, treatment, and how to cope.

Be well!

Related posts:

1. Is There A Cure For Herpes?

How To Tell Someone You Have Herpes

This is by far one of the most requested advice questions I receive.  Yes, it can be so hard to tell someone you have herpes.

Trust me, I (ahem) have some experience with this subject (hey – not that much!).

The problem is that in the first few months or even years, people with herpes tend to have enormous amounts of shame and fear around carrying the virus.  It should not be like this.  It is estimated and widely reported that over 40% of the population carries H.

You are obviously not alone.

What happens when we carry this shame is we tend to expect that anyone we meet and have to do the whole herpes telling thing is that they too will feel that we are somehow damaged goods and should be ashamed.  This again is not true.  When we project this guilt, shame, regret into our herpes speech, it actually makes everything worse.  You end up scaring the hell out whoever you are telling!

Herpes Telling

First try to find a safe place to tell the person.  A quiet safe place with a glass of wine or a coffee is good.  Best (although I have done this!) not to tell them when you are naked in bed and the action is just about to start.   Do NOT start the conversation with anything like, “I have something horrible to tell you”, “I have the worst thing in the world to tell you”, “You are going to hate me, but..”, or “I know you will leave me when I tell you this”.

How would you feel if someone started a conversation like this with you?  That’s what I thought.

You need to project confidence.  And if you don’t have any:  Fake it!  Start with something like, “This isn’t that big of a deal but I need to tell you something important”.   Make sure you give all the facts about spreading herpes and that contracting herpes is not going to happen to them because you are going to protect them.  Tell them about me if you want to!  That I have had female genital herpes for over 20 years and have never passed the virus to a single person.  Tell them about Angela over at yoshi2me.com that has been happily married for over 10 years and has never passed the virus to her husband.

Make sure you insist that you are going to use condoms until they are comfortable with you having vaginal herpes no matter how long this takes.  (you  might even want to have a supply of condoms ready..)

Try not to cry or to make it their problem.  By this I mean don’t tell the whole sad and sordid story about how you contracted H or how sorry you are you have it or you hope they forgive you.

It is not their problem.

It is your issue and while it is not your fault, you can take responsibility for where you are now with the virus and take control of protecting your partner in the relationship.

It will be OK.  Trust me.

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