This is a guest post by, Josie Shue. I admire her courage in agreeing to share her story on my blog.
Josie Shue shares her herpes story:
I was a sophomore in college. I was doing really well in school and a star on my division I athletic team. I had a long-term boyfriend who I loved and respected. In September of 2007, I had a physical with my doctor. She asked if I wanted and STD test and I said yes. I figured I would do it just to know I had a clean bill of health. Then I got a call a few days later to come back into the doctor’s office immediately.
My test had come back positive for herpes.
The doctor prescribed me an antiviral medication and sent me on my way. No comforting, no advice, no friendly smile signaling to me that I would be ok…I was alone.
My relationship with my boyfriend at the time ended because of infidelity on his part (which is what led to the herpes transmission). This trial began a new path of learning and strength in my life from which I would blossom into the person I am today, which I would like to think, is a mature, understanding, lovable woman.
Eight years later, here I was in my most recent relationship. He was a handsome, smart man I met through friends. The relationship began with much promise as he showed maturity and caring in the first few weeks. When I calmly told him about the herpes, he was straight faced yet strong. I told him to ask me anything and that I would do everything in my power to help him understand how minor this was and to make him comfortable.
He seemed to be OK and understanding.
In the next few months there were many moments, which started wonderfully loving and intimate and ended with invasive questions about herpes and statements about how he thought herpes ruined my life and would one day ruin his. I would explain to him that this is not the case and that he was safe.
This was a reoccurring theme that would pop up many a late night. After many late and tearful nights, I came to a breaking point. We had been together 6 months and I had done all the reassuring and explaining I could. The conversations would start with the herpes and then continue on to other things about me that he didn’t like.
The relationship ended with me wondering what I could have done differently.
After days of analyzing where I went wrong a thought hit me, which will stay with me for the rest of my life. He made me feel “imperfect.”
The thing is that everyone has imperfections.
There is no one person on this earth that doesn’t have something less than ideal about them. Just because I have herpes there is no less of reason to love me. Judgment is not apart of a healthy relationship nor will I accept it in the future. Herpes has taught me many valuable lessons that without it I would not have learned such as how to be understanding and nonjudgmental, how to see a person for the many wonderful qualities they have and not what illnesses they possess, and how the more you love yourself the more another person can love and understand you.
My words of wisdom are to love yourself, be yourself, and stay positive and someone wonderful is going to accept you for everything you have to offer.
***
For more herpes support, you can read my personal experience here: My Herpes Story
No related posts.
I found out about a month ago that i have genital herpes. When i first found out i was ashamed and very emotional. I was always the good girl and never thought anything like this could happen to me. I feel disgusting and alone. i still have not told anyone…im too ashamed and i dont want anyone to judge me. I am having a very difficult time dealing with this. I try to play it off like it doesnt bother me…but deep down inside im lost. I will never find a mate to love because of this… i dont know what to do….
Excellent post. I definitely agree that having HSV-2 has taught me some major life lessons (some of which I don’t know if I would have been self-aware enough to realize on my own). I actually think I’m a much better person now than I was pre-herpes. You’re totally right- there is no reason to settle for someone who will make you feel “less than” because of a medical condition.
To the person who left the earlier comment, you’re not disgusting. I’d bet you’re probably pretty spectacular. There will be plenty of people in your lifetime who will feel lucky to know you (or be with you, if you choose). It gets easier. Just keep breathing.
I have my girlfriend the herpes virus, she was devastated, she was almost suicidal. The guilt is killing me, she has not forgiving me, it’s been over 2 years. I had her go to a life coach so that she could focus on her life’s dream, and stop obsessing over the herpes. She seems to be healed now, she is now focusing on her book that she is writing, and teaching her daughters have to be good girls. I believe that releasing stress can heal herpes, learning to love yourself heals herpes, telling your life story and venting all the negativities can heal you from herpes, the best rememdy is self love, go to selfloveservices(dot)com, and release all your burdens, and healing will take place
I’d like to say how grateful I am to websites like this. It makes you feel slightly better about life. I had my first outbreak in May 2010, i’d been with my new partner 3 months. The tests all came back negative but when i kept getting outbreaks i went for several other tests and they always came back negative so we thought it was some weird allergy etc.
four months ago my partner finally admitted her suffered from herpes on his thigh and that he had had it ten years. So when my next outbreak happened i went back for tests and it showed up positive. I have known now for a month and my first week of knowing was awful. I went through the same as everyone else. Hate, shame, anger, feeling dirty and unclean. But then also struggling with the fact my partner had not given me the choice and had taken my health into his own hands. His excuse was he tried telling me several times and i laughed and thought he was joking and that in ten years im the only person to ever catch it.
I am still with him but our future isn’t great as i feel he has lied about something which is so serious that i am not sure i can forgive him. But part of me thinks that we should at least try and work past it. And maybe part of me is scared that i’d never find anyone else. I heard someone going on about herpes the other day. About how the girl was a slag, that he’d never touch her etc. and it really upset me that such ignorance could come out of someone’s mouth.
I am gradually dealing with it but life is a struggle somedays as my outbreaks last a long time and i feel somedays the bitterness can get to me about what cards he’s dealt me in life but then other days i’m okay.
You need to tell all your readers to call this company and we need to start a movement to make this happen
http://www.vical.com/Theme/Vical/files/doc_downloads//The%20Simplex%20Solution%20110721.pdf
This company not only helps those not infected but those with the virus !!!
There mice and guenea pig results to date have been amazing !
PLEASE make a post about this and lets make everyone aware real hope exists
A couple days ago i had sex with this guy i was very interested in.We used a condom. .Near the end it started to hurt, so i made him stop. Within the next couple days, It would be so painful to urinate. I had friends who had, had bladder infections, so hearing their symptoms made me think that’s what i had.. I went to planned parenthood to get medicine for what i thought was just a bladder infection. I ended up testing positive for Herpes. I feel like my life will never be the same.. i just wanna lay in bed and cry. I tried telling him about it and he insisted i didn’t get it from him, i know for a fact i did. He continues to laugh in my face and not take my seriously.. I dont know what to do… how to live with this .. i feel so lost. ):
Hi Nancy, I just read your blog and I really appreciate it. I feel compelled to share my story- I guess simply because I need to have it heard.
I’m 27. I got herpes when I was 19. I contracted it from my boy friend of 3 years- who had herpes sores on his finger occasionally- although I didn’t know this until later. I got the virus right before we broke up.
I spent the next four years of my life battling herpes. I tried everything under the sun. I even majored in alternative medicine at UC Berkeley, largely in part, due to my increasing interest and determination to figure our mysterious bodies, and how they heal.
I was single and completely celibate for 3 and a half years- I was paralyzed by almost continual outbreaks- and my subsequent devastation, anger and shame. I felt like I was in an isolated bubble of fear. During that time I saw over 30 health care practitioners- from the best MDs to hypnotherapists. I tried every medical system under the sun and spent literally thousands of dollars (all of which I was working 2 jobs to acquire) on supplements.
I studied herpes, I meditated on herpes. And gradually, I began to appreciate herpes for what it does do for me. It taught me humility and the power of vulnerability. It definitely made me stronger.
Eventually I was given an amazing gift- I man who accepted me (he had had 2 other previous partners with herpes)- and who loved me and allowed me to begin to love myself and to see myself as a sexual being again. The relationship didn’t last forever but its effects have.
I am now a clinical herbalist- I see clients for every illness under the sun and I’m mostly successful in treating them- everyone except myself. I still suffer from almost continual outbreaks. I’ve prayed to every god out there. I’ve come to the point where I’m almost afraid to have hope that something will ever make a difference because acceptance is so much easier at this point than continuing to fight this virus which seems to have won.
So where am I now? I’m in love. For the first time in my entire life- I’m truly in love. I’ve been seeing the most amazing man for a few months and the sentiments, I believe, are mutual. We have become very close and it’s terrifying but the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced. BUT we haven’t had sex. I’ve had almost continual outbreaks for the time we have been seeing each other and, rightfully so, he is afraid of contracting it. He knows very little about the virus, and I have educated him, shared books etc. Unfortunately, my situation doesn’t shed a very positive light on the situation.
So I’m scared that I will lose him. I’m scared I will give it to him. I’m scared I will never get to have passionate, worry-free sex with the man I love.
I’m looking for hope.
Best,
Suzanne
Cathryn, I feel for your situation and the cruel way in which you have been treat by someone you obviously care about. Your life will never be the same but that’s not a bad thing. Let me explain, I contracted herpes when I was in my 20′s, I am 48 now and have lived through the rejection and discomfort that herpes ‘can’ bring, but so can many other things in life. I learned to see herpes as a gift and have now been symptom free for many years by adopting a respectful attitude to my mental and physical well being. I remember telling my now life partner that I had herpes on our 3rd date. She sat in the car and listened to me and said little. I thought that it would be best if I leave her to think awhile and left it to her to text me back. i didn’t want to seem needy and I didn’t want sympathy, just to be heard. The next day she text me and said she wanted to meet up that night. When I saw her she was smiling and said that she thought I was the bravest, sexiest man she had ever met and that I obviously had very strong values. We are now planning our life together and enjoy a healthy physical relationship based on trust and respect. It took me a long time to drop my feelings of anger towards the person that infected me and yet now I accept that it was part of life’s journey and lessons which brought me to a happy place, filled with joy and content and love. It is so easy to judge things as bad and understandable but try giving yourself some distance from judging it that way and see how others can and will accept you for who you are. Bewell, William T
Bee, I know exactly how you are feeling. It makes me tear up reading that, because I remember feeling that way. It does get better. I had my first outbreak just less than a year ago. I was of course absolutely devasted and sadly felt like there was no point to life anymore. I thought and still have my moments to this day of struggling with the injustice of it all…it seemed so unfair because I have been so good my whole life and have always been responsible. The problem is that a lot of people who have it have no idea and can pass it to you without even realizing and you may have an outbreak while it remains dormant in them. This is what happened to me. I tried living with it for a while without medication to see how often the outbreaks would occur, but I decided ultimately to take Valtrex. Now, I have no outbreaks at all. I have come to terms now with having it and for the most part it doesn’t feel like a big deal, but I don’t want to live off a pill my whole life and I am determined to find a way to free myself from this virus. Even if I can ease of the pill slowly and make changes along the way. I found something that seems quite promising for anyone who’s interested. The idea is that by detoxifying your body and by following a very strict health diet and taking certain supplements (for a period of time until the virus dies) you can starve the virus of what it needs to survive. http://www.theundergroundcure.com/products.html. Also, I am currently looking into Oxygen Therapy, where you infuse your body with oxygen which many viruses can’t live in the prescence of. It’s unfortunate that it can be harder to feel pure, innocent, clean, beautiful, sexy, and free when you have this condition. My boyfriend will even say things about it that make me feel like an outsider without realizing it sometimes. Like I’m the one with the “condition” or “problem” and he was the one who gave it to me, he just doesn’t have outbreaks! It’s such a shame what a joke it is to the public too when so many people have it! Anyways, I needed to talk about this and I’m happy there are places like this to do it:)
I contracted herpes when i was 14 years old after the first time I was intamite with somebody… And it was forced.
I had an extremely hard time living with myself. I was suicidal for almost a year and needed professional help. It was even harder because of the way I got it. The worst part was being in school at the time and was hearing on a regular basis that herpies is grose and only sluts and hookers had it. So you guys can imagine what I thought of myself at the time…
I was able to confront the guy who passed it to me. He denied it having herpes…but did appoligize for forcing himself on me. I just wish he would admit to giving me the herpes because i know it was him.
I still have a lot of problems being intamite with anybody and sex is not something i enjoy at all. Its been 8 years and there are still pleanty of tears and feeling dirty. Im thankful that my boyfriend is so understanding about the whole thing. I just wish I personally could completely move on.
I’m so sorry Cathryn but I do not believe that you were infected with herpes during that sexual encounter. I have serious doubts that you would be able to feel an outbreak during the end of sex, with condom, the first time. I don’t want to be mean, but being honest about the condition is a way to heal mentally. I just tested positive for herpes a month ago and I had never had an outbreak until I started taking Valtrex….I found out thru a blood test only. Now that I look back, I think I have been a silent carrier for years and misdiagnosed myself with yeast infections and hormonal changes. My boyfriend had it, but I found out by finding his Valtrex bottle. I was a fool and stayed with him after that. I assumed that I had not been affected by the virus….I was wrong. You may have had herpes for a long time, so it is not fair for you to blame it on this newest guy. He should still get a blood test though. This is a tough ride…I am glad we have each other…but I do get disappointed by people not taking responsibility for their actions. We all know that having unprotected sex is like playing russian roulette with your genitals…unfortunately for us, we lost. 1 in 5 people have genital herpes….the odds are pretty high.
Well I found out on Valentines Day (yesterday) that I was positive for Genital Herpes in the middle of my 12 hour shift at my restaurant. Almost lost it. If it wasnt for a couple close coworkers telling me that 1 in 4 ppl have genital herpes and telling me that it wasnt the end of the world helped. I still dont know how to tell my partner. He is the only person I have been with for several months and I truly believe he gave it to me via HSV-1 through oral sex and he knows that I have had a problem down there and he knows I am waiting for test results… so how am I suppose to tell him that what I thought was a heat rash from working multiple hours in a hot kitchen is actually herpes. Will he still wanna be with. Will he be patient with me and help me figure out what triggers my outbreaks. We havent defined our relationship yet… I just dont want to be heartbroken by something he probably game me. This website is definitely a savior when it comes to the many questions I have rolling through my head!
Hi Nancy,
Thank you for providing a safe and supportive environment where we can all come together to find and offer support. I contracted herpes after the first time I had sex, it was a summer camp romance. I have suffered with almost continuous breakouts and have spent thousands of dollars on everything from mineral clenses from New Zealand to what ever the current latest greatest miracle cures on the web I came accross. Unfortunately none of these have been successful to prevent or minimize my outbreaks. About a year ago my life was dramatically changed. I decided to try something that most people would consider radical. I have friends in the horse breeding industry who were using a product that sucessfully controlled the herpes virus in their animals. The product I initially used during a breakout was called Equirkure (concentrated treatment). This cleared up my breakout in 48 hours instead of a week to ten day period. About three weeks later the typical prodomal symptoms began again, I immediatly stated treating the area with the concentrated solution. This time it prevented an actual break out. I now use (Equikure) Protect and Prevent every day. Every once in awhile, I feel the tingling sensations that are the signs of an upcoming breakout then I switch back to treaing with the Equikure concentrated treatment. With this treatment regimine I have been successful in preventing an actual breakout for the past 9 months. I will share the website if anyone is interested in trying this product. The site is http://www.equikure.com, I now feel that I have regained controll of my body and my life. This has been an answer to my prayers.
i have been doing some research about this thing herpes.. im not really sure if i have it … but there has been rumors that mhy ex boyfriend gave them to me.. it was over five years ago.. i look up the symptoms and some are similar to whats been goin on lately but i always get tested but everything is negative.. i am so ashamed i sometimes think about ending my life..the sad part is that i been dating this girl for a year now we only had sex once and im so cared ima lose her.. my counselor said that if she really loves me this will not affect our relatiionship.. how can somebody love me how could this happen to me.. im so afraid to go to the dr.. idk what to do now i dont want anyone to judge me.