I have herpes: Possible first emotional response(s)

Unless you are aware that you are being exposed to the genital herpes virus (i.e. knowing that your partner carries the virus and taking that calculated risk responsibly), it can be absolutely terrifying to find out you have contracted vaginal herpes.  The bottom line being that hearing, “You have herpes”, easily translates into having to say, “I have herpes”, and that can be enormously hard to accept.

As an example, in 2004 a survey conducted by the American Social Health Association in 2004 found that 68% of randomly chosen respondents would find being diagnosed with genital herpes as, “very traumatic”.  To put this into perspective, there are more people that fear genital herpes than would rather be fired from their job (51%), or break up with a significant other (54%).   As herpes can be managed and is no way life threatening, it can be noted that these results illustrate the stigma of having genital herpes.

I have herpes:

Primary emotional reactions to hearing one has been diagnosed with herpes can be:

• Shock
• Anger
• Fear
• Confusion
• Guilt
• Shame

..And of course all of these are perfectly understandable and acceptable.  I know I had a version of all of the above for many years after being diagnosed with genital herpes.  The trick is that knowledge is power and much of the intense feelings of the above described emotions are based on lack of understanding and fear of the unknown.

Common questions are:

• How could this have happened to me?
• Will I ever be able to have a relationship again?
• Will I be able to have children?
• Will I lose my job? Will I be rejected?
• Who gave this to me?

Your ability to trust can be compromised, especially if you were not aware that your partner was carrying the virus and you are not sure what to believe based on explanations they give you.  The overwhelming feelings and herpes outbreaks can overcome you and affect you for months.   It is imperative (and has been proven) that seeking psychological help and treatment options as soon as possible can bring you back to a normal psychological state within six months.  I know this was the case for me.  I did have longer term effects of loss and low self esteem (that I have now overcome) but within that first year I did come to gain a greater knowledge of vaginal herpes and realize that it was in no way, “very traumatic” and that I would much rather live successfully with herpes than be fired from my job or break up with a significant partner.   (Of course that depends on the job and the partner!)

I look forward to writing a lot more about the emotional issues of herpes and welcome any questions you might have.

Tagged as: I Have Herpes