It continues to amaze me (although I am not sure why) how much completely irrational and irresponsible information is available on the internet regarding herpes.
This morning I found this comment from 2008 on Angela’s site www.yoshi2me.com:
You are lucky to find a guy who would marry you knowing you have herpes. Most wouldn’t as it is a bigger sacrifice than needs to made. He must really love you. Hope you treat him right.
I was completely taken aback because people with herpes who have just been diagnosed do not need to read this garbage. While I am sure that there are many people out in the world that feel this way (biased and judgmental of people with herpes), is has NOT been the norm for myself or anyone I know that has vaginal herpes.
For the record, most women I know, including myself, that have genital herpes have long term partners or husbands (and many children) that DO NOT have the virus. This despite having a partner/wife/mother that has carried HSV2 and may have regular outbreaks. This should be extremely promising and comforting to any woman just diagnosed with HSV2.
Do I consider myself lucky to have found a guy that would marry me knowing I have herpes? Does he think that he made a bigger sacrifice that needs to made? Do I have to treat him extra special to ensure he keeps loving me (because I have herpes)?
God. No.
I am sure that many husbands in their younger years did not wake up every morning and dream of their future wife having genital herpes. I am sure they might have even thought that they might reject a woman for having herpes because it was just too much to deal with. But this is what happens. You meet someone, you click, you have fun together, you laugh, you look forward to seeing them. Soon you can’t stop thinking about them and you start imagining a future together. Better yet, you can’t imagine a future without them.
And then they tell you that they have genital herpes.
Yes, it’s hard to hear, “I have herpes” and it wasn’t what you were expecting. But the risk of losing this person becomes the greater sacrifice. And so you learn to deal, because this is life. There is cancer, depression, heart disease, and anything and everything more serious that HSV2. There is also marriage, children, joy, happiness, sharing passion together. This is life.
For any woman out there that is rejected by a man over HSV2, be thankful. Because he was going to leave one day anyway. You rock. You can and you will do better.
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I have to say I completely love you!! Although I do not have genital herpes I’ve very recently been diagnosed with genital warts. It’s not life long but it stays in your body for an indefinite period of time, and I’m not sure exactly how to tell future partners that I may carry the virus. Everything I read on the internet was negative, aimed at putting people off catching the virus and not aimed at telling people how to deal with the virus. There’s so much support for HSV or HIV, but HPV is not considered a big enough deal to have good support pages. But try being the person who’s just been diagnosed with it! It’s embarrassing, disgusting, taboo, etc… I think it’s a HUGE deal!! I want more pages like yours, more positive experiences of life with an STI. Pages that tell me I can live and love responsibly despite the problems down below. Pages that tell me it’s nothing to be ashamed of, STIs are common. It was a mistake but I can’t spend the rest of my life making up for it. I can’t let this virus define who I am, and I won’t. Your blog has been a great influence on me, I hope to create something equally great when I start getting my own positive experiences of living with the virus!!
Thank you!!! =D
Donah.
Thanks so much for your positive comments Donah. I don’t believe that HPV is much different from HSV in that they are both over stigmatized sexually transmitted viruses. I don’t have a lot of experience with HPV, although I (of course) have known a few people with the virus. These viruses are so common and so easily spread, once you start talking it is shocking how many people carry the viruses. It is a shame we continue to struggle with the fear and unrealistic assumptions surrounding the infections.
OF COURSE I believe that you can live a happy and successful life despite HPV. Also, without having a ton of knowledge regarding genital warts, I would assume that many treatments would be the same as for HSV. Both are viruses that depend on a strong immune system to remain dormant. I would for sure try, ‘oil of oregano’, zinc, vitamin C and maybe beta glucan (from yeast) and/or panax ginseng (sold as ColdFX). All of these are strong immune boosters that I have had great success with in managing my HSV. Don’t take them all at once because if they work, you won’t know which it is and it will get expensive to take them all the time. Also I don’t like taking something every day for long periods of time (except for the Vitamin C and zinc) so try mixing it up every month.
I am going to be writing over the next few weeks about, “herpes telling” and I’m sure it will all be relevant to any sexually transmitted disease. Good luck!
Nanci,
You are an Angel.. as soon as i started reading your blog, i felt a weight lifted off my heart. Your words gave me the warm feeling you get from relating to someone for the first time about a life long secret. I’ve had “H” for the past 4 years. Recently i gained a since of hopelessness. My “OBs” never seem to go away. So i got this great idea to see a woman doctor, thinking she could give me some type of solution and comfort. Oh was i wrong! To make a long story short, i left in tears. After telling her about my “H” she looked at me in disgust and disdain. Never before had “H” made me feel so nasty and ashamed. “There is no hope for me” i thought to myself after my doctor visit.
In attempts to find the cure i stumbled upon your heaven sent blog. There are so many questions. I hope that we can stay in contact about the doubts in my head and wonders of my heart…
Thank you so very much
Millie
Millie,
Thank you so much for your positive comment. You will note that I changed your name in the case that the name you originally sent me was your real name. (awesome name by the way, LOVE that name). Yes, women can actually be more judgmental than men, which is too bad because I really believe we should stick together. I receive up to five e-mails each morning from women just like you (and my site doesn’t actually get that much traffic), so please know that you are NOT alone.
Yes, we can stay in contact. I would like that.
I will also e-mail you directly with a response to the e-mail you sent me through the contact form. YES, I do have lots of ideas (mostly inexpensive), that can help with recurring outbreaks.
Have a great day, you will hear from me soon.
Nanci