It is part of our human nature as woman (at least it is for me ) that when first being diagnosed with genital herpes our primary worry is not so much for our own body and what this condition means for us personally, but how this will affect our future partners and possible future children.
We understand that because we were so easily able to contract genital herpes from another person, that we have the ability to equally as easily pass it on. Because we know how awful we feel about having contracted the condition (you will note I never refer to it as a disease; we are not sick, we carry a virus), it is unimaginable to us to be a part of spreading herpes. Ever.
I understand that I am speaking in cliches and there is a wide range of thoughts and emotions about contracting herpes; everything from utter and complete depression, to total apathy.
But in the middle area what we see is a primary fear of spreading this virus. And being held responsible for it. Let’s take this from the top and attempt to let go of some of the more irrational fears about possibly HSV.
Spreading Herpes
The number one thing you can do is every time – without exception, advise each person you have sexual relations with that you have or carry the herpes virus. This can be so difficult (I know!) especially when there is fear and alcohol and fear of rejection (and did I mention the fear?) involved but needs to be done. This is the most important act you can take to absolve yourself of having total responsibility of spreading herpes.
As soon as someone is aware of your status and they make the choice to have sex with you (and rest assured, the majority will!), they become responsible for their own exposure.
Another super important thing you can do is to practice safe sex. And what I mean by this is by always using a condom and completely abstaining from sexual activity during any early stages of herpes or until any outbreak is completely healed. This alone would do amazing thing for a reduction in herpes transmission rates.
Last but not least, you can take awesome care of yourself and work to reduce your own herpes outbreaks. This might include taking one of the prescription anti viral medications, or it could mean going the super healthy route and taking any of the great herpes treatments found on this blog.
It is very important that you do not feel more responsibility and fear regarding transmission than rational. Yes, it is a very contagious condition and yes, you could feel horrible if you gave it to another person, but following the above steps will significantly decrease the risk of transmission, and well, if it does happen, you know you did everything reasonably possible to protect that person and than they made their own choices.
And, if they are understandably hurt and upset, it will not be directed at you but at herpes itself.
Be well.
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It’s been about 5 years since I was diagnosed with herpes from a man I was in a serious relationship with (we had been living together for 2 years). And it’s been almost 3 years since we broke up. I have not had another outbreak since the first one. I guess I am lucky.
My problem is though, I am so scared to tell my partners that I have herpes, and every time I get into a relationship, I end up breaking up with them when they try to take the relationship to the next level.
How do I do this?
Julia,
Herpes is a viris,like many other things, the human body deals with every day. Well all have a viris in our body,may it be the commen flu andother things that live dormant. I just got herpes about a month ago from a guy who told me beore hand. I had a hard time dealing with it a first due to I never delt with anything like this before,but i have great friends and if this guy or girl is the right one for you,they will understand it and th best thing i can say is give them time to process the info and ty giving that person soe info. Like have them go to herpes.com or herpes-coldsore.com and read up on the info. There is a powerfull statement that says “knowledge is power” and i stand by that 100%. I spent a lot of time reading on the websites above and also reading this blog,it has helped me quite abit and im still dealling with it but the more you STRESS and have NEG thoughts the more its going to bother you and could possibly cause another outbreak. Try comparing the viris in numbers, 90% of people have some sort of the herpes viris in there body by the age of 50. Think about it, most people have had chicken pox or even shingles. My sister got shingles when she was younger, and i just happen to have herpes type in the genital area. Your not alone when it comes to telling someone,i myself have had to tell a few guys myself, but the key is to have the knowledge “remember what i said about knowledge is power” and give him/her the most info you can. I hope you find something in here usefull and maybe it will help you tell yourpartner. If you still are having issues dealing with the emotions try reading good books like You can heal your body from Louise hay or insperation by dyane dryer. good luck and glod bless
P.s. sorry if i used to many commas or speled anything wrong,english is not my strong point
I was diagnosed with H 2 years ago. I am 30 years old, single and have never had children. I am absolutely terrified to get close to a guy for fear of rejection…and because I feel so ashamed and disappointed in myself for getting this virus. Its true.. you have to definitely learn to do the best that you can and learn to deal with the cards you are dealt. I say all of that to say that this website is very liberating for individuals like myself..who feel so alone..and hopeless..due to this virus. Thx for creating a place where we can come to encourage one another to continue to live our lives as normal as we can.